When you should not say sorry.
There are better ways.
You, me, your neighbour, your parents, everyone runs into situations where they will say “I’m sorry”.
Sometimes “I’m sorry” is not how you should handle a situation. From the moment you utter those words, all it is directed to is done for. Sorry signals finality, a “point final”. In many situations, this is not the way you want to go. When used frequently, it is a word that becomes insincere and loses its worth.
I vowed to myself to start responding actively. If you are like me in these situations, use these words instead of sorry.
When you make a mistake.
Own that mistake. Express that you know it is your fault and that you’ll seek to improve.
In a work setting, this can be elevated by asking the other party what you can do to learn from your mistake. This shows a willingness to improve, determination and commitment. You are not regretful; you are mistaken. Sorry does not account for that.
Say: ‘I take full responsibility for that.’ or ‘It is my fault; what can I do to improve?’
When you are sorry, not sorry.
There will be times that you will be spoken to about specific things you have done or certain behaviours you exhibit. Rather than saying sorry and just letting it drop, ask them how they would do it or how they would like to see you doing it.
Say: ‘How would you do it?’ or ‘Can you explain to me how you would want me to do it?’
When you are too late.
You are late for a specific appointment. Instead of using the word sorry, use the word thank you. It will elevate you from shame and guilt to dignity and maturity. This will show the other party that you regard them with respect.
Say: ‘Thank you for your patience.’ or ‘Thank you for waiting.’
When you don’t know why.
This is to be looked upon in two ways. What kind of error is it? The one where you make a mistake, as stated above? Ask what can be done to fix the problem or improve your handling next time.
What if your moral compass is not pointed the same way as the one that opposes you. Why would you say sorry to that person if you think you are not wrong? Explain to them how you view it and ask them their view on the subject. Do not give in and apologise for something you don’t view as ‘wrong’.
Conclusion
Sorry is over-used in many situations. If you don’t want to come over as insincere, keep in mind that there are many other approaches instead of just saying sorry and being done with it.
